![\"Photo](\"https://sites.temple.edu/cindyleavitt/files/2016/11/22398316407_fb6c8be747_o.png\")
On Monday mornings, I write down things I need to do that week to advance my strategic initiatives and relationships. This usually helps me focus on important tasks and stay on track. However, that was not the case the last couple of weeks. I committed to writing a short article for the Faculty Herald, feeling it was very strategic to communicate with the faculty. Despite putting the article on my list of things to do, I didn’t write it.
When I agreed to write the article, we did not agree to a specific due date. Yet when the faculty editor contacted me about the article, I was embarrassed because I had not started it. To hold myself accountable, I gave him a date when he could expect the article. However, I then found myself procrastinating with every possible task instead of writing the article and also feeling quite anxious.
Coming to Temple has energized me, and I have been working with a sense of freedom and joy. So feeling anxious was both a surprise and unpleasant. In fact, writing about how I felt brings back the feeling, which is a deep sickening gut clenching that my family calls the “melting liver” syndrome.
Knowing that I didn’t want to remain anxious, I spent time reflecting to determine where the anxiety was coming from. I identified several sources, including concerns about my children, missing my family, and obligations in caring for my ailing mother-in-law. However, my ego was also showing up in full force as I experienced the fear of looking bad and feeling inadequate, which made me avoid writing the article.
To shift away from anxiety and procrastination, I reached out to my husband and we talked at length about what was driving the anxiety which helped a lot. It was a very safe and supportive conversation and we were able to come up with a plan to care for my mother-in-law.
Then, I dived into writing in a quiet and focused setting and didn’t let myself stop until I had a first draft. I slept on it and then did a second draft before I asked for review help. Fortunately, I have a talented communications person who is a terrific editor and she pitched in to give support and suggestions.
I also made sure that I continued daily meditation and exercise. I reached out to my family and reconnected and I went forward knowing that I would feel better as I propelled into action and met my commitment.
The article was completed and submitted to the editor by the due date. My anxiety has lifted, which is wonderful: freedom and joy have returned.
Anxiety cannot be avoided and often concerns from one part of your life spill into other parts of your life. If you are feeling anxious or procrastinating, take time to examine what is fueling the feeling, ask for help, and make an action plan.
Practicing Giving and Receiving Feedback
![\"Give](\"https://sites.temple.edu/cindyleavitt/files/2016/10/14020634976_c2ec89a76a_o.png\")
I had so much fun at the all-staff meeting we held this week at Temple University and felt very supported by the team as we practiced giving and receiving feedback to create a more open and collaborative culture. We invited all of our IT colleagues from across campus to join us for the meeting and many of them came, which was terrific.
I was able to incorporate some of the feedback from our previous meeting. Specifically, I heard that some team members were uncomfortable at our last meeting because I asked everyone to share personal stories with someone they didn’t know. Also, I received a suggestion to use technology to solicit more honest feedback and make people feel safer. To address this concern, I used PollEverywhere to create anonymous polls scattered throughout the presentation.
![\"fear-to-freedom\"](\"https://sites.temple.edu/cindyleavitt/files/2016/10/Fear-to-Freedom-300x194.jpg\")
After giving an update on the action items from our previous meetings, I introduced the Fear to Freedom model to the group. This is a simple and powerful tool that has helped me recognize when I am in fear and focused on myself and to manage myself to a more open and free state of mind.
The heart of the training was around how we can think about feedback as a gift that we graciously give and receive from a place of freedom and openness. These are the principles that we asked everyone to follow.
When giving feedback:
- State facts – be specific
- Leave out generalizations (all, every, always) and judgement (good, bad)
- Go direct – preferably in person
- Check your intentions
- Ask if the person is open to feedback
- Use “MRI” – Most Respectful Interpretation – of others’ actions.
- State the problem from your own observations
When receiving feedback:
- Listen attentively
- Say thank you
- If you are not in a place to be open to feedback, let the other person know
- Assume the best intentions
- Ask clarifying questions
- Avoid being defensive (going to fear)
- Take the feedback away, determine what you want to do with it
Then we broke into groups of three and alternated roles of giver, receiver, and observer playing several scenarios designed to show how fear can interfere with either giving or receiving feedback.
After the first scenario, I asked the group whether it went as they expected and many of the groups indicated that they were surprised that the gift of positive feedback was not well received. Each person only saw the following information for the role they were playing.
- Kelly (Giver): Pat is a peer and one of the best people on your team. It has been a crazy couple of weeks on the project and the entire team has been working really hard to make a deadline. Pat really helped you out personally by the way s/he maintained a sense of humor and optimism. You want to let Pat know what a difference s/he made to you personally and the team.
- Pat (Receiver): You have often felt that Kelly is quite competitive as a team member and a brown-noser and looking to advance at the expense of the rest of the team. You are not sure if you trust Kelly.
- Observer: Watch to see if the giver asks permission and is specific in the feedback. Watch to see if the receiver sincerely thanks the giver and if there is any underlying tension in the exchange.
One giver described in bafflement, how the receiving partner responded to his sincere thanks with abrupt, monosyllabic thanks that made him want to stop giving praise. The receiver reported that he felt he was being open, but that was not how the giver or the observer felt about his responses.
This simple role play demonstrated how much our internal stories influence our actions and put us into a closed, judgmental, and fearful position. When we take this defensive and fearful stance, we can discount all feedback, even when it is positive, from individuals based on our previous interactions or even things we have just heard about them.
When we can master our stories and stay out of fear, we can break the negative cycle and be in a powerful position to influence and change outcomes. The most common question that I got after the meeting was what if all of our attempts to extend in openness and kindness are rebuffed. My answer was that we can never change anyone but ourselves. If we can stay in a place of freedom where we continue to be positive and open in giving and receiving feedback, we will be happier and more successful and productive independent of whether anyone else changes.
The quote on the picture that I found for this blog answers this question much better than I did. When we are looking for something in return to our gift of feedback, it is our ego showing up. We are focused on ourselves and want validation, not what is best for the person who we are giving feedback. We are operating in fear, not in freedom.
The slides from the meeting with all of the scenarios are available online. My challenge to you this week is to practice giving and receiving feedback using the principles above. I would love to hear from you to see how your practice is going.
The Gift of Being Fully Present
![\"Photo](\"https://sites.temple.edu/cindyleavitt/files/2016/09/9964866733_1b82151886_c-300x200.jpg\")
I just started my second month in my role as CIO. My focus has been on trying to get to know the people at Temple and on starting to build relationships. As I have been meeting with individual colleagues, I am really trying to be fully present and focused on the person I am talking with at that moment. I am not always successful, because it is easy to get distracted. I catch my mind wandering which can include looking around to see what else is going on in the room, thinking about my response rather than listening, checking incoming texts and calls, or running through the long list of things I need to get done.
I have to remind myself often that being fully present for the person in front of me is an unusual and impactful gift that will be remembered because it is so rarely given. I know because I remember when I have been given that gift.
Years ago, when I was in my weekend MBA program, I was given the assignment to interview a senior leader in my organization to find out about their leadership journey. I chose someone whom I had never met. He had transitioned to academia after a long and successful career in private industry and was well liked by those who worked closely with him. I don’t remember any of his specific stories, although they did involve worldwide impact with his medical research. What I do remember is how I felt after talking with him.
For a full sixty minutes, he was completely focused on me. He answered my questions and he asked me about myself, my background, my role in the organization and what I wanted to accomplish. He gave insights from his own experience that might be of value to me in accomplishing my goals. He challenged and encouraged me. I felt valued and came away from that interview with a desire to be more like him as a leader. Even now, as I am writing this, I am filled with deep gratitude and emotion.
I am sure that leader does not know the impact he had on me. It was lasting, in part, because it was reinforced every time I encountered him, which I did with regularity. When I ran into him in the cafeteria or at a meeting, he displayed the same genuine interest and focus on me that I glimpsed the first time we met.
So, as I have been meeting all of the amazing people at Temple and in Philadelphia, I try to emulate that leader and be fully present and focused on the person who I am talking with. They can feel whether you are fully present and focused on them and it matters deeply. When I have received this gift of focused attention, I feel valued, energized, and motivated. When I am able to give the gift of being fully present, I get positive energy, great information, and good will; all which are invaluable to me as a leader.
My challenge to you this week is to be intentional about being fully present when you are interacting with your colleagues, customers, and family. Notice what happens when you are more present.